Are you an enemy agent at war with your goals?
I’m seeing a lot of self-sabotage going on around me lately. If life were a mirror (just saying) the reflection would suggest maybe I could take a look and see where I’m sabotaging myself and my goals.
So I’m taking a look, however it’s honestly not just me, I’m seeing it everywhere so in order to help myself out of any funk I’ve fallen into I’m writing this, which in turn will help others out of their own funk.
Sabotage
noun:
- any underhand interference with production, work, etc., in a plant, factory, etc., as by enemy agents during wartime or by employees during a trade dispute.
- any undermining of a cause.
verb: (used with object), sabotaged, sabotaging.
- to injure or attack by sabotage.
First of all, yuck – this ^^^ is what we’re doing to ourselves???
Do we sabotage to keep ourselves safe and small. YES!
It seems our ability to self-sabotage is stronger, and far easier to access, than our ability to self-support.
Some people know they self-sabotage and its part of their language. They do something opposite to what they said they wanted to do and then proudly declare “yeah, that’s what I do, I get to a certain point and then I sabotage, that’s just me, it’s what I do” and sometimes this is followed by a little chuckle of forgiveness.
Declaration: (noun) something that is announced, avowed, or proclaimed.
Anyone that knows me and does coaching with me, knows that I am very conscious of how the language we use can determine an outcome.
Point of difference:
“I sabotage” therefore I do.
“I support my own growth and adjust my behaviour when I feel challenged or at my limits” therefore I do.
Our declarations and decisions become the way we do things, and the way life shows up for us.
I experienced this first hand 2 and a bit years ago when I left my job to go and have my baby, I walked out the door and declared “never again will I do that work!”
What I meant was, never again would I work in a job that I didn’t enjoy.
But what my sub-conscious thought I meant was never again will I do the thing I love and flow in the most.
So for a really long time, until my declaration/decision was pointed out to me, I was in a state of block. I had no flow, I was trying to do something else that I really enjoyed but it wasn’t my natural state of flow. It was causing frustration, procrastination, anger, blame, fury, doubt etc and basically had me frozen.
Once I realised how that decision completely sabotaged the joy I feel when I’m doing what I excel at and what I love, I made a new decision to something waaaay more supportive, and since then I’ve been flowing and doing and achieving and getting all my stuff done and enjoying my time working and playing equally.
When you take a look at your life can you see where you may have unwittingly made a decision to sabotage your happiness and flow?
Let me show you what sabotage may look like…
Initially it looks and feels a lot like resistance:
- ANGER at yourself for not changing or anger at others for challenging you, either one causing you to shut down
- BLAMING others for getting in your way or worse, blaming yourself for not being good enough – causing you to shut down
- CRITICISM of yourself, others, the situation – causing you to shut down
It’s right here that resistance can serve us to grow or or keep us safe. It’s here we make a choice. It’s also here the subconscious mind kicks in and unless we’ve built up a strong resistance to resistance itself, the choice is taken out of our hands and turns into sabotage.
“It’s too scary on the other side”, “I’m not skilled to deal with the other side”, “That’s not me”, “That will mean proper lasting change, I can’t do that”…these are all stories that you’re being told by your mind, they become true, they become you and pushing through resistance requires an abundance of energy, which, with all the emotions above there’s no energy for it.
- DEPRESSION at yourself and your lack of willpower – there’s no energy to move
- EMPATHY with yourself, justifying that you’re not strong enough, not good enough, not smart enough, not enough…
And repeat. And repeat. And repeat. And repeat…
And this loop of sabotage continues until you become aware of it. Actually, that’s not enough. In the case of sabotage awareness is nowhere close to enough because if you become aware of your pattern and continue to repeat it, that’s when you believe it and that’s when the decision/declaration happens and so it goes.
Blocking emotions or experiences of any kind is a form of sabotage, blocking sadness or joy, blocking anger, fear, blocking anything from coming to be experienced is a form of sabotage and can be detrimental not only to success but also to physical, emotional and mental health.
Could you look your best friend in the eye and say what you say to yourself…to them? Could you? Would you?
Why then is it ok to say it to yourself? Why do we humans think it’s ok to be kind to everyone but ourselves?
What does NOT sabotage look like?
- Awareness of behaviour
- Acceptance that mistakes are made and can be corrected for the future
- Acceptance that sometimes things are good and sometimes things are not good and it’s ok to experience both
- Allowing the flow of all emotions to surface and be experienced, because sometimes in order to break through to new heights you need a good cry, or laugh, or scream, or sigh, or burp (burps are great for releasing tension by the way, inside and outside the body)
- Objective view of life, certainty of values and accepting that everyone’s beliefs differ.
- See’s opportunity and goes for it, trusting that their self-support and the universe has their back.
- Celebrates the wins and learns from everything else and then celebrates the lessons.
- Knows there’s no such thing as right and wrong…only right and learn.
- Biggest supporter of self, and by nature, everyone else.
- Only kind, supportive, loving words are spoken to self and everyone else.
- Pushes beyond limits and commits to constant improvement
When I look back at these lists, I see for myself I fall mostly into the NOT sabotage category, phew! What a relief. And because I am 100% committed to constant improvement if I see any sign of the “S” word, I can let it through rather than let it stick.
PS. If I didn’t write & post this blog I would’ve been back in the sabotage list.
